Getting Broadband - I wish...

I tried to get broadband yesterday as I can work from home if I so wish. So, I checked through the 'wonderful and easy to use' *cough* Eircom website to see if my phone line was suitable. Its not. So I called Eircom. What a fuckin joke they are. Unreal and these are a company?

I called the number listed on the website for pre-sales and was told that they also checked my line on-line (a big wow....just so you know, the basic Eircom support agent has the same access to check phone line status as you do) and also found it was unsuitable. Great. So I was advised to try another Eircom service. I called another Eircom number (1901) and advised what I would like and was told that my line was not suitable (after telling them I checked already) for broadband. What can I do ??

"Call 1800 503 303"

So I did. And asked them what could I do?

"I will put you through to someone who can help you. Please hold"
"Hello, I would like broadband. I checked online and my line is not suitable. One of your colleagues checked also and then put me through to you"
"If you are not within 5km of an exchange you may not be able to receive it" I was told.

To counter this I checked the distance from my house to the exchange via both roads - 1.2 and 1.4 miles depending on the road - last week. I advised them of this.

"Well, there are people beside an exchange who cannot get this because of the loops" the bloke said. Loops? Loops? What fuckin loops? If I lived beside an exchange and was told this shite I'd go fuckin mad.

"Right", I asked, "How can I get my line suitable for broadband?".
"You will need to talk to after-sales".
"What's the number?"
"1800 503 303"
"I called them already. They put me through to you"
"Ah, there is a secret way through. Call, say 'Agent', say 'Yes', let the messages go through and then say 'Home'"
"OK thanks."

I called and spoke, I have to say, to a lovely lass. Told her the story as per above and asked what can I do.

"Maybe your exchange is not enabled"
"Cobh is enabled as we had issues last summer with the phone line for the business and it is not broadband enabled. And yes I am within the relevant distance"
"OK. Let me check which exchange you are on. Can I have you address please?"

I gave my address and it turns out we are not on the Cobh exchange but rather the Rushbrooke exchange.

"Are there any plans to get this exchange enabled?"
"Is that a big area? Would there be more than 1000 people there?"
"Yes! At least that"
"Well I will note on your record and if enough people call and have notes it may be done"
"When?"
"It might be this year. There are no set dates for enabling exchanges"

Might? This year? Sweet fuckin Jesus....and this is OUR NATIONAL PHONE SERVICE !!!

I should also point out at this stage that I was told by different people that because I was not using Eircom for phone service that could be the reason I couldn't get broadband. Shite. You own the fuckin lines and exchanges and until you allow others to use them we will always have a phone service reminiscent of Kenya circa 1810.

There is more to the story with regards to other companies but that's for another day. Suffice to say I am, by Minister Noel Dempsey's definition, in a broadband enabled area - only if I want someone to come and slap something on the side of my house and then drill holes in my gaf. And I have one choice. And they are expensive.

Thanks Dempsey !

Total length of call? 40mins.....