Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Toilet Humour

I saw on Una's blog that she she has launched a new blog based on images and writings in toilets and tis called 'JacksGraff'. I think this is fab but it will reduce the ratings people give toilets on 'Rate This Toilet'.

Still, make sure to use both of these!

It reminds me of a story I read in Chris Donald's autobiog. Chris is the fella who founded Viz comic. Before he left Viz, the most amazing TV show ever "Through the Keyhole" had Chris on it as it had run out of A-W celebs. When Lloyd Grossman was going through the house he went to bathroom and in his usual drawl said something like "..and heeeerre is where aur guest may get moost of his ideas".

Class. Cue much laughter.

Anyways, go to Una's new blog.

Monday, July 30, 2007


On Friday last, Aug 27th, I left Schlumberger Cork as an employee for the last time. I think that leaving anywhere, regardless of the circumstances, can be a very difficult thing to do. I had 5 years and 5 months with SLB and that is not easily brushed under the carpet.

Yes there were bad times but there were also good times and I learned a lot from the 7 managers I had there and also from the project mangers and teamleaders that I worked with. I worked on projects and issues with SLB staff from all levels of the company and to get that type of exposure I thank them.

I also think you couldnt work in a better facility than we had. The location is just outside Cork city, free parking (even if they do insist on reverse parking), free on-site gym, subsidised canteen with top notch food, good social club, free Xmas party and summer BBQ. I think that you can get too spoiled.

And so another era in my life ends. I seem to stay in places for a while as I had almost 4 years in IBM before going to Oz and now nearly 5-and-a-half years in SLB.

What next?

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Fluffy things

Some funny things to brighten up an otherwise miserable day...

Little Britain - Andy & Lou Smurf Outfit sketch

Catherine Tate - Lauren meets (ex) English PM Tony Blair.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Padraig Harrington - Open Champion

Well done to Padraig Harrington who won the Open at Carnoustie yesterday.

He beat Sergio Garcia to win the tournament and become the first European to win a major in eight years and the first Irish winner of the Open since Fred Daly 60 years ago.

I like Padraig I have to say. He is always polite and humble, speaks well of others and win's and lose's in a very gracious fashion.

Well done fella...ya made the country proud.

Also a small word for young Irish golfer Rory McIlroy for Hollywood Co. Down who won the best amateur award at the open.

The future of Irish golf looks good...

Monkeygland and Braai stuff

Our next door neighbours, a South African couple, have opened their own business recently called "A Taste Of Africa".

Folks....if you are having a bbq (called 'braai' over there) then you must, you have to, its written in scripture, that you get some MonkeyGland sauce and marinade your steak in this. It is unreal. Leave for about 2 hours and it will leave your steak so tender after cooking..even if you want it well done! And the taste? I'm drooling just thinking about it.

Go and check out their online shop and their products. We have tried the marinade's for chicken (Lemon and Herb and Honey & Mustard), the Peach Chutney is amazing and you have to try the meat. The Wild Boar sausage is great on the barby as well.

Go and get some stuff. Its all good.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Dirty fuckers..

I heard about VHI on the radio and couldn't believe it and then I see it on Damien's blog so it must be true.

Dirty robbin feckers.

I mean, if its not enough for them to make all the Vivas and Bupa/Quinn people pay for another crap service they now want their own customers to pay more. I can imagine the letter:

"Dear Mr/Mrs Fucked-Over,

In honour of you being such a devoted customer of ours over the last few years, we want to reward you by charging more for the same service.

We are sure that you will agree that giving us extra wages is much more important than lowering the cost for you as we have houses, boats and large cars to keep (not forgetting keeping up with the Jones's at number 47 - 4 holidays they had last year the bastards).

Anywho, you can send a donation cheque also to show your gratitude.

your €500k per year manager"


Thursday, July 19, 2007

Know any shite drivers?

Following on from Niall's blog posts here and here and my own here, Niall has set up a lovely new site called ShiteDrivers.com.

More information about it.

Please feel free to log comments on Niall's blog post or indeed on this one with ideas or suggestions. Really, the state of some of the driving on Irish roads these days leaves a lot to be desired and something needs to be done to address this.

For myself, here are a few suggestions that I think the NRA (National Roads Authority) need to address ASAP

1) Awareness Campaigns.
We need awareness campaigns urgently on how to deal with roads and situations. We have a huge amount of people who have never encountered or had to deal with motorways, dual carriageways or slow/fast lanes and suddenly these are introduced with no training or details. We need TV ads, newspaper ads and flyers detailing these so that at least people might get the idea. To me a 50 year old is as dangerous on a motorway if they have never been on one before as much as a learner of 2 years in the same situation.

2) Driver Training.
The driver training program needs urgent revamp. It needs to include more items like how to deal with cyclists and motorbikes. It needs to include 'zipping' and general road courtesy. None of these things are on the test. Fast roads, decent size roundabouts, traffic...loads of things need to be done during the test and we need to ensure that the people we are letting drive on the roads can indeed drive. There is no point in testing someone in a 50km zone and in housing estates and then letting them off on motorways. They need to be tested on motorways or national roads on which they will regularly drive.

3) More Cameras
I think we need more cameras but not just for speed. People regularly do not use roundabouts correctly and often go into the wrong lane. If we had some cameras on roundabouts and people were fined for not using indicators or using the wrong lane then it might stop people. We need cameras also on motorways and dual carriageways to check people's driving. Speed is indeed an issue but stupidity is as big an issue in my mind. We should also have cameras on roads that have had a high number of fatalities so we could see what is happening. Maybe, with the families consent, they could be shown to learner drivers, and others, to see what happens when you go that bit to fast on a bad road or what happens driving - even at/under the speed limit - on wet/slippy roads.

4) Pedestrian Awareness
People nowadays have no fear of cars. People regularly walk on the incorrect side of the road or cross the road, taking their time, and cause cars to stop. Pedestrians need to be more aware of themselves and treat the road with more respect. I myself had a good grounding in respect for the road from both my parents and teachers and I wonder what is happening now?

5) Cycle lanes and Paths
We need more...much, much more. The proposal for the €30bm is great but I would love to read the whole thing. Its fantastic that cycle paths are to be introduced for tourists but have the ordinary Irish folk been thought off? No. I tried to cycle from Cobh to Little Island but had to stop. The road is constantly being dug up and is crap and car/lorry drivers give you no space or respect. I would class myself as an experienced cyclist so I don't see how kids/families can cycle on that road. We need the whole thing to be assessed and cycle paths but in where we the Irish need them.

We also need more pedestrian paths. It really should be part of the infrastructure plan when housing estates are being created to have proper access in and around and not have to stop at the entrance. More and more housing estates are being built and its great walking around them but when you leave them you are often on a main road or a narrow road (like near our house) with lots of traffic.

6) Statistics
More statistics need to be shown in the media. We need to know the breakdown of what caused the accident. To often speed is assumed when it may have been something else. It could have been a bad road, wet conditions, very inexperienced driver anything. Drink is a concern and so is speed but so is poor driving, ignorant pedestrians and stupidity. Lets see the causes and do something about them rather than assuming everything is drink/speed related.

I'm sure there are other items but even if these could be addressed soon the roads would be a better - and safer - place.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The "Now" culture

This is something that has been seriously pissing me off for some time. Its the "now" culture that we possess and are completely and totally to blame for. Regardless of age, sex, religion, colour, postcode or country there are shitloads of fuckers who want everything NOW !

No waiting, no asking nicely, no realising that sometimes quality takes time.

Take this story for instance.

Lovely lady (LL) running a coffee shop. In the window it states (only related day chosen),

"Opening hours:
Tuesday - 9am - 6pm"

Two fat, oldish American ladies (AL) walk in at 8.50, tables and chairs still to be moved outside and machines in the process of being switched on made ready.

AL: "Can we get two latte's to go?"
LL: "I'm sorry, we open at 9am and I need to get all these tables and chairs outside before then. If you wait until I move these I can get you your coffee's?"
AL: "Thats no good to us. We have a train to catch"

And with that, out the door they went. And good fuckin riddance. See, what part of 'Opening @ 9am' did you not get? Can't you read? Don't you understand that businesses need to get ready? Probably not. Your part of the 'now' culture. No more waiting, no more queues, no more take your time.

I could rant for ages about this 'now' culture but it just makes me angry and I was in a good mood all day after hearing Groove Armada's "I see you baby" song. In fact..here it is:

I like I will rant about this at any stage.

Dinosaur Attacks..

This is fantastic...

Get on eBay Now!!!

This is a fantastic story from the Beeb. A young lad in Norfolk, England, got more than he bargained for.

He bought a Playstation on eBay but instead of getting the 2 games he ended up with €65,400 in cash.

If you want me I will be buying game consoles....

Fav Songs

Following on from the songs I posted yesterday, I thought I would share some of my favourite songs and if I can be bothered I will say why. These are not in any particular order but rather just when I think of them.

First up, Red Hot Chili Peppers and 'Give It Away'. This is top of my list.....it just is. The music, the lyrics, the fucked-up-ness of it all. The video, the band. I think, while their music has matured over the years, they are losing something. For me, what the RCHP are about is all in this song.


Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Fluffy Things

Niall listing more stupidity on the roads in Dundalk. Unfortunately this is commonplace all over Ireland.

My 'Rate This Toilet' blog, recently on the Rick O'Shea show on 2FM has moved from Blogspot to Wordpress. Go and have a look and get listing...

Damien giving out again. That's sooooo not like him! But this is a good cause.

Finally, a few vids from a top band and from one of my favourite albums of all time...Rage Against The Machine from Rage Against The Machine.

Official Video of 'Killing In The Name Of'

'Bullet In The Head' live at Coachella this year. The bands first performance together in seven years.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Lionel Messi

Messi does it again. This time in the Semifinal of the Copa America in Venezuela for Argentina against Mexico.

What a goal...enjoy!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

People who are fuckers No.8 - Driver of 06 C 5474

You are some stupid bitch. Do you not know the rules of the road? For fucks sake.

Here, especially for you, are the rules of how to navigate roundabouts.

As there is only one exit lane from the roundabout entering Eastgate you cannot and should not be in the right hand lane you fuckin bitch. READ THE RULES. And then just cutting right in front of me, with no use of indicators and then having the nerve to try and blame me!!

For fuck sakes.

I have a good mind to print out the roundabout rules and go to your place of work and give them to you in Eastgate Business Park on the same road as O'Briens.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

People who are fuckers...Ter Lynch?

Ter Lynch, from LinkMap fame, wants to be added to the "Fuckers List".

However, I do not have enough reason to add Ter to same.

If you have reasons for Ter to be added to a Fuckers list comment here and if I get enough suggestions then Ter will be added. The juicier the story, the more likely he will be added.

Let the games begin!

A 'Hell' of a surname

This is a fantastic story from the Examiner today.

A Catholic school in Australia refused to admit a new pupil because of his surname which is....wait for it....Hell!!

Yup. Class.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Vanilla Ice...Jim Carrey style


Driving hints.

From driving into work and from Niall's blog post, here are some top tips for those dipshits on the road.

1) On a dual carriageway (in Ireland), the right-hand lane is called an "overtaking" lane. You should only enter this lane for a) turning right at the next junction (which should be close and not 3 or 4 fuckin miles away, b) you are overtaking. If you must overtake, indicate, move out, overtake and move back in. Do not move out and sit beside the car you are overtaking. Do not just sit in this lane because you are too fuckin thick to move into the left-hand lane.

2) Indicate BEFORE turning - indicators are not to help you turn but rather to advise other drivers of your intention, Indicate early enough to warn the poor fucks behind you.

3) If you have to slow down, use your brake. Don't just lift your foot of the accelerator. The brake lights at the rear of the car are to warn the drivers behind of what you are doing. Also, there is not need to brake on every corner or when a car is passing you on the opposite side of the road.

4) Using your mobile phone in Ireland while driving is illegal. Why the fuck do so many thick fuckers still do it? It causes problems. I saw a guy suddenly brake quite hard, then pick up and answer his mobile. No hands free for him. Cunt.

5) Use your mirrors. They are there to be used and not for checking makeup or for aesthetic purposes. Be aware of who and what is behind and around you.

6) Bicycle's and pedestrians have as much right on the roads as you. Give them space.

7) If you want to drive at 30kmph then do it in a 30kph zone. Not in a 60kmph zone. If you want to drive a fair bit under the speed limit then have the common courtesy to move in and let the vehicles who want to drive close to the speed limit pass. You do not have sole rights on any road.

Roll on the expected abuse...

Monday Vid's

Just some vid's for Monday morning....

Snow - Informer

Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby

Frank Sinatra - My Way

Friday, July 06, 2007

Who's a cunt?

Not sure? Haven't given it much thought? If your Twenty Major and want somewhere to vote where do you go to?

Well why not go to the Cunts Corner.


My Blog Ratings..

Thanks to UnaRocks for the "Rate My Blog" link.

This blog is rated as follows..
Free Online Dating

My 'Rate This Toilet' blog is rated as follows..
Free Online Dating

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Things about me that you wouldn’t think were true, but are

From the following blogs (yes, yes...I know I'm way behind them but what the fuck) Damien, UnaRocks, Handelaar and Niall OK's, here are 4 things that you wouldn't think were true but are (and Una is right..this is difficult).

1. I know I will die horribly. Don't know how, don't know when, but I will. I will not die in my bed/chair/sofa peacefully. It will be horrible.

2. Despite always scoring "Extraverted" in personality tests and despite what people think, I am quite shy and introverted. Honestly!

3. I hate crowds. Full stop. Cant handle them. I panic if people get in the way of me getting to where I want to go, at my speed and in my direction. I will take side streets and dark alleys and more time, if necessary, to avoid crowds.

4. I'm not really into IT and don't really care for the latest gadgets.

Drug Bust!

I was listening to the Ian Dempsey breakfast show this morning and someone texted in to say they saw Pete Doherty on a beach in West Cork.

On the 8 o'clock news it said the Garda were further investigating the €200m of drugs seized in West Cork.

Draw your own conclusions....

Monday, July 02, 2007


Saw this post about Blogsecret on Rick's blog and thought its a good idea. Tis based on the "Textsecret" blog.

Go on and write something...